Relishing In My Peace...I Earned It & I Am It

I’ve experienced and witnessed a journey of journeys the past several years. It began in 2016 with A Course In Miracles. I decided to begin reading and studying it on New Year’s Day, after taking a course on it for several weeks at the end of 2015. I felt inspired and pulled to read this book. It captured me for several years, until the Fall of 2018 when I felt equally pulled to stop reading it and begin embodying it. This is when I began the journey from my head to my heart, from deep within my soul.

Today, I feel this strong pull to be with myself, to sit with myself, to enjoy and relish in the fruits of my labor and journey from the past several years. There are days I feel whole, and today is one of those days. I feel the peace, joy, love, presence, strength of God. In this, I find freedom and joy. It’s the most beautiful feeling and experience to me. And I’m being asked to sit with it and enjoy it. So in terms of writing, I’m allowing whatever comes out to come out, including the immense gratitude I feel today.

It’s interesting that as humans we find this a waste of time if it goes longer than a few minutes. We often do our morning routine so we feel better so we can tackle the day…every day. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is rest, recover, relish in joy and stillness. Doing this all day seems like an utter waste of time to most of us. But rushing to tackle our never-ending to-do list can be the true, utter fucking waste of time.

If we take the time to shower, eat a healthy breakfast, read the paper, journal, meditate, exercise, etc. (whatever it is that makes each of us feel centered), it’s interesting that we then rush to a sense of busy-ness just to get uncentered and unravel. I do it to myself all the time. It’s hard for me to sit with this peace all day and not feel guilty.

But today, I feel the strongest pull to do this that I’ve ever felt in my life. It’s crystal clear that this is where the energy wants me to be. If the energy asked me to work on a project for work, I wouldn’t hesitate because it’s seemingly more productive. But what if my soul finds relishing in joy, peace, freedom, gratitude equally productive, it not more productive. What if practicing this level of alignment and trust is the work, each and every day?

I’m not saying I’ll abandon my responsibilities. I have too many to fucking count in my life. I have a job, a marriage, a child with special needs, a family, and my health and well-being to tend to daily. There’s no escaping or shirking responsibilities in my life.

But isn’t my biggest responsibility my joy?! I’ve worked REALLY REALLY REALLY, like REALLY hard to get to this space. I’m going to really savor and relish in this accomplishment. Cultivating or unearthing this level of peace and love is no easy feat. It’s taken years of allowing the shit to surface, facing it, leaning into it, feeling it deeply, healing it. I’m super fucking proud of this accomplishment – practicing and learning how to do this day in and day out, sometimes for hours each day, and sometimes for days, weeks and months on end. Literally!

I may not feel it this clearly every moment of every day, but if I choose to stay in it, I could. So what if I just choose to stay in it? I could do everything from this space and it would turn out so much better.

So today, this is how I’m spending my day. Sitting in the peace, joy, love freedom and savoring it, relishing it, feeling grateful for it. What a beautiful day! I invite you to join me in this, even for a moment or two, to feel a glimpse of deep peace. Ask for it, allow it and be with it. Love yourself in these moments until that’s what you feel most of the time, until that’s what we all feel most of the time. It’s always who we are in our core.